Flash Rebirth #6 finally saw the all-new Flash Family coming together.  And  really, what would a gathering of speedsters be without all of them deciding at the same moment to debut their new costumes?  Well, no fun at all, that’s what.

But seriously, I can’t be the only one who noticed some similarities in Wally’s “new” costume and the one worn by TV Flash, can I?

I guess it’s really equal parts TV Flash and Walter “Dark Flash” West, but still… the darker color scheme and nose cover stood out.

I realize Rebirth isn’t over and that anything can happen, but we sort of know there’s a new “Flash & Friends” book coming down the pipeline that will feature both Barry and Wally, so I have to wonder… why would DC want not just two, but now THREE Flashes running around?  How does that not serve to weaken the brand?

I mean, Dan Didio’s said he wants the most easily accessible versions of their characters to be the frontrunner – it’s a lot easier to explain Barry than Wally, and Hal Jordan is easier than Kyle Rayner, etc…  But still, “classic version” or not, this series has done nothing but undermine Barry’s abilities as the Flash, when it shows Wally doing things like taping into the speed force (which, if Barry IS the speed force as revealed last issue, doesn’t really make sense anymore, but…) to increase their speed and regenerate their costumes, all the while having to explain to Barry — the more science minded of the two – what he’s doing.

Not only was Barry kind of dull when he was the star of the book, but his characterization in Rebirth has made him something worse… an old man superhero.  Barry’s drawn to be, what… roughly 35, I’d guess.  Not an old guy by any means.  But from the very first issue, the fastest man alive — a guy who’s lived in the future, remember – is marveling at how fast everything’s gotten and how many people are using cell phones.  Seriously.  Add to that, Kid Flash calling him Grandpa every other panel, while still referring to the actual old guys in the book as Jay and Max, and it doesn’t help things much…

If the point of the book is to make people interested in Barry by showing us how cool he is – a Barry Allen who exists in a world where everyone finally knows what a police scientist is thanks to CSI — then why isn’t he doing anything  cool and new.  Why does every issue have him doing exactly what people expect from Barry Allen Flash.  And if it’s not some homage to a classic Flash moment, as every cover has telegraphed, Barry’s either trying to skip his own welcome back party, talking about wanting to die, or getting possessed by the Black Flash and nearly killing every one he loves.  Whatta guy! 

I’ll admit, I’m a Wally fan.  Any pre-Wally Flash comics I’ve read were picked up as back issues, so I didn’t grow up with Barry.  But all my life, Post-Crisis Barry’s been played as this incredibly noble hero who sacrificed himself to save, not just his world, but ALL worlds.  That’s pretty cool, right there, and awfully hard to top.  So really, here’s the problem with bringing him back: Barry’s death was too perfect.  Whatever he does in the new series or in the future will only serve as a footnote to what he did in Crisis On Infinite Earths, and quite honestly… who wants to read about “the fastest man alive” when he’s a guy that can’t outrun his own past.

Loki
by Rob Rodi and Esad Ribic

With the baby coming in a few weeks, I’ve been trying to rework the comics room so that it accommodates both mine and my wife’s things. However, progress has been a little slow because I keep stumbling onto boxes of old comics and graphic novels which inevitably catch my attention. I’ll have been doing great, next thing I know, three hours are gone because I just reread most of Byrne’s Fantastic Four. But hey, it’s just the way it is, folks. Am I wrong?

My most recent time-stealer was Marvel’s Loki, by Rob Rodi and Esad Ribic. I picked this trade paperback up at Heroescon this past Summer, and never actually read it until this weekend. And seriously, it was pretty great, and I feel kind of dumb for not reading it before. This is going to sound way worse than I mean it to, but I totally wasn’t expecting this kind of story from Rob “Codename: Knockout” Rodi. Just haven’t ever read anything by the guy that clicked with me. Although, looking back, Knockout is a comic that got advertised with the tagline “get a little IQ with your T&A”, or something to that effect, so really, I’ve probably been selling the guy a little short all these years.

First of all, Ribic’s art in Loki is gorgeous. Like John Buscema, this kind of castles, capes, swords, and horses story seems to play to his strengths. He totally brings his A+ game here, and it shows on every page. My only complaint, and this is more a pet peeve than anything, but I would’ve preferred he not put his signature (his initials) on almost every page. Knowing he’s marking them to sale at cons or wherever later on sort of yanks you out of the story. But hey… like I said, pet peeve, and it wasn’t so obnoxious that it ruined the thing.

Storywise, if I absolutely had to compare it to something, it would probably be Matt Fraction’s series of Thor one-shots – God-Sized, Age of Thunder, and Reign of Blood. I say this mainly because Loki is set in an indefinable time period (though Loki mentions the heroes of Midgard, so I assume it’s after Journey Into Mystery # 83) and for how it sort of works actual Norse mythology into the piece, filling in these bits of back story like little post-modern Tales of Asgard.

Rodi’s pitch, which is presented in a nice bonus section of this collection, is his mission statement: tell Loki’s story through Loki’s eyes, no matter how tilted its author’s perspective. And I’ll admit, it’s damn cool watching Rodi and Ribic do their thing, but it is not comfortable. With Loki in the driver’s seat, we don’t get the beautiful polish of Kirby’s Asgard, or even the bold, supremely confident Thor we’re all used to – that guy’s nowhere to be found. This is a story that opens with a wrecked and smoldering cityscape and the brutalized Odinson forced to kneel to his step-brother Loki, new ruler of the greatly ravaged Asgard. After that, it’s downhill for the big guy as he spends the rest of the story chained beneath the castle (well, until the end, but I won’t spoil it for you), so don’t come to this looking for a story about Thor. This is Loki’s show.

So who is Loki? Well, he’s a lot of different guys, actually. Figuratively, and literally. Rodi uses flashbacks and testimonials and all sorts of tricks that he weaves into the main narrative to present Loki in many different lights — a dispossessed child, a manipulative bastard prince, a sympathetic outcast, a wanton lover, and most hauntingly, a man destined for defeat. Having won Asgard, Loki’s not really interested in ruling it or anybody. Mostly, he just wants to humiliate Thor and his crew for the rest of eternity. That is until Hela convinces him that Thor is bount to eventually break free, depose him, and return everything to status quo… unless, of course, Loki finally mans up and executes him. What’s great here is that it’s clear that Loki’s never even considered Killing Thor. Not really. But Hela, being Hela, pushes just the right buttons and sets Loki down a path that we all know will come to no good end.

But where I think this story really shines, is when Loki decides to visit three of Thor’s nearest and dearest – Sif, Balder, and finally, Odin – as he tries to convince himself that killing Thor is the right thing to do. All three of these encounters have decidedly different endings, but none of them disappoint, and one of them very nearly convinces you that maybe Loki’s not completely wrong.

The build up to and the eventual ending, while effective, does seem a little rushed. I like what Rodi wanted to do, but I think the big turn gets lost in there somewhere, and probably would’ve not figured it out on my own if it hadn’t been spelled out in the pitch in the back. Also, it all seems to happen over the period of several days… maybe a week at the most. Sure time moves differently in Asgard, but it comes of like Loki’s in charge for just a few days and then BAM! — everything changes. And it’s made all the more noticeable since the whole thing immediately follows a war that is implied to have lasted a while.

I’m not sure if it’s still available at Marvel, but if not, I’m sure you can track one down on eBay or Amazon or somewhere online or at a con. And yeah, I realize it’s not technically an in-continuity Thor story, but if you’re a fan of ol’ Goldilocks, you should check it out. It’s not essential, but it’s damn enjoyable.

“Dear DC Comics,

I’m writing to let you know how much I enjoyed Guy Gardner #11, the first part to what I’m sure will be one of the most thrilling storylines in your company’s publication history, Guy Gardner Year One: Yesterday’s Sins.

However, I must question some of the choices made regarding this particular issue’s cover.

I’m not referring to the large football player emblazoned over the left side of the issue, although, I feel certain football players, even ones as talented as the teenage Guy Gardner, aren’t terribly appealing to a significant portion of your audience, but I digress…

No good sirs, I would ask that you focus your attention to the center image.  Might I suggest that, in the future, you avoid images of young children being beaten by their parent(s) with leather belts as a result of reading comics.  While, yes, thematically, it gets directly to the heart of the story, it’s quite possible that said image could taint potential readers’ desire to purchase your delightful comic mag. 

Nevertheless, I eagerly await more of Double-Gs time-tossed turbulence next issue!

Kind Regards,

T. Shroeder, Jr.
Address Withheld”

Okay, so I just finished reading New Avengers # 50 at lunch, and this page bothered me.Yes, Hawkeye deserves to be upset about Bullseye wearing his costume and taking his name, no doubt.  That one I’ll give you, Mr. Bendis.  But look at what Osborn’s done to the THUNDERBOLTS, man – a team Hawkeye himself used to lead.  Heck, for that matter, look at what’s happened to Moonstone — a woman he used to be (almost) in love with.

I think this kind of thing is my biggest issue with these Bendis Avengers comics.  Not that they’re bad ideas (although some of them are), not that nothing really ever happens or gets resolved in them, or that they have terrible artwork.  It’s the missing nuances of these characters.  I mean, I’m not dying for continuity steeped comics, or a complete recap of how Hawkeye left the Avengers for a time to go lead the Thunderbolts into legitimacy.  But it might’ve been nice if Ronin had given Moonstone’s name instead of Luke Cage.

Hulk Vs. Wolverine / Hulk Vs. Thor
Story(s) by Craig Kyle, Christopher Yost, and Frank Paur
Directed by Frank Paur

Pretend I’m a cooler comics blogger than I am and let’s say somebody at Lionsgate actually sent me this DVD, and that I didn’t buy it for $15.

Not sure why each movie is on its own seperate DVD.  …Vs. Wolverine is only 37 minutes long, and …Vs. Thor clocks in at just over 45 minutes.

Here’s the deal with …Vs. Wolverine: it serves as an introduction to the world of Wolverine and Weapon X, showcasing many of the characters who’ll be making their world premiere this summer in X-Men Orgins: Wolverine — Sabertooth, Deadpool, etc…  Purely coincidence, I’m sure.

It opens with a Hulk #181 inspired brawl that ends with both Wolverine and the Hulk captured by the Weapon X program.  Wolverine’s capture and sedation leads to a pretty faithful adaptation of Barry Windsor Smith’s Weapon X story, and it plays out pretty grusome on the smallscreen.  Hulk’s in this one very little, but he does break free at the end and goes ballistic on Weapon X and Wolverine.

The story is by X-Force scribes Kyle and Yost, and it’s pretty bland.  The animation isn’t bad, but it’s very stylized, almost to the point of distraction sometimes.

…Vs. Thor is better.

With a Thor movie on the horizon, its purpose, like …Vs. Wolverine, is to mostly introduce newcomers to the world of Thor and Asgard.  And while it does a good job, and still manages to be entertaining, it gets to be a bit much in spots as the writers really do try and put EVERYTHING in.  Check these off your Thor scorecard.

-Odin
-OdinSleep
-Loki
-The Enchantress
-Scourge, the Executioner
-Surtur
-Malekith (seriously)
-Balder
-Sif
-the Warriors Three
-Frost Giants
-Hela
-Fenris

Yeah, all of that in 45 minutes.  And honestly, it kind of works, but still, they somehow manage to never call Thor’s hammer Mjolnir.  Weird, huh?

Special features are okay.  A “Making of…” featurette for each, and some commentaries, which I didn’t get around to listening to.  …Vs. Thor has a featurette on Jack Kirby, which isn’t terribly informative and doesn’t offer anything to longtime fans, but its heart’s in the right place.

If you own the previous Marvel animated features, you’ll probably want to own these two.  But if you’re only mildly interested, you can probably hold off and catch them on Cartoon Network eventually.

Wait?  This super-military comic has very little action.  Bad move.

Dixon keeps his conservative bias in check.

Setting-up a Duke / Scarlett / Snake-eyes love triangle.  Saw it coming from a mile away (insert Low-Light joke here).

Snake-eyes shouldn’t need technology to be invisible.  He’s a ninja.

Where the hell’s Cobra, guys?

Needs to get better.  Fast.

So here we are — the eagerly anticipated ending.  Prefab numero uno is…

DOOMSDAY

First Appearance: Superman, Man of Steel # 17

“What’s Doomsdays deal?”

Well, if you don’t know already, he’s the guy that killed Superman.

And believe it or not, Doomsday actually hails from Superman’s home planet Krypton.

In an origin story that asks a lot of its readers, a mad-scientist named Bertron attempts to create a lifeform that can survive the ultra harsh environs of ancient Krypton.  He goes about doing this by growing a baby and tossing it into the wild where it can be torn apart by the vicious creatures that dominate the planet’s surface.  Bertron would then collect the remains and clone the child over and over again, until he was able to speed up the evolutionary process, and created a creature that could not only survive the experience, but continiously adapt itself to a point where it could never be killed by the same thing twice.

Things went south from there, and “the Ultimate”, as Doomsday was called back then, was eventually exiled from Krypton only to terrorize other planets in the DCU.  Eventually, he was contained by the inhabitants of Calaton, who then did the same thing as Bertron, and launched him off into space for somebody else to worry about… and of course, he landed on Earth.

He “hibernated” for centuries, before waking up in the ’90s and going totally apeshit across most of the United States.

“No concept of gentleness or beauty… it just wants to kill.”

-Louise Simonson

After Doomsday nearly killed every member of the Justice League, Superman decided to put himself in the monsters way again and again, and become the primary focus of its aggression.  The two of them fought for the better part of a day, before ending up in Metropolis, where Superman pledged to end Doomsday’s rampage once and for all… and died doing that very thing.

“What makes Doomsday a prefab villian?”

“Let’s just kill him!”

As the story goes, that was Jerry Ordway’s stock answer whenever group editor Mike Carlin asked his team “What do we do with Superman?” at DC’s annual Superman summit.

But in 1991, DC found themselves in little bit of a bind, and suddently Ordway’s suggestion seemed like it maybe wasn’t such a bad idea.  Y’see, just a year or so before, the Superman team had set up the engagement and eventual marriage of Clark Kent and Lois Lane.  But ABC was riding high on the popularity of Superman’s TV adventures on Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, and wanted to marry them on TV first.  Now, faced with having to push their main storyline back for an indefinite period of time, DC did the unthinkable and announced they were killing off Superman.

But how would it happen?  Who would do the deed?   Shouldn’t it be his arch-nemesis, Lex Luthor?  Probably, yeah, but he’s on the show, too.  Okay, well what about one of his other villains?  Yeeeaaah, sorry… they kind of suck, and nobody’d really care.  But what about creating a brand new villain to take him out?  A guy that no one had seen before, not even Superman… and a character that keeps both existing and the sure to be new readers on the same page.

Enter: Doomsday — a Hulk-like figure that Superman writer/artist Dan Jurgens had been toying with introducing for a year or so.  A muscle bound powerhouse that could stand toe-to-toe with the Man of Steel, and even more, take his life.

SERIOUSLY, MARVEL… WHAT. THE. HELL?

A late Happy Thanksgiving to all three of my readers… and to anyone else out there who might be stopping by.  Hope you and your family had a great one, and that the good times continue throughout the holiday season and well into next year.

But now, it’s time we got back the internet’s most unreliable list.

TCB’S Top Five Prefabricated Villains: Number Two

GALACTUS

First Appearance: Fantastic Four # 48

“Heresy”, you say?  Well, maybe a little bit, yeah, and the truth is, Galactus almost didn’t make the list.  He’s certainly become a fixture of the Marvel Universe over the last forty plus years and definitely moved way passed one-trick pony status.  However, that’s only in hindsight, and what we’re talking about here is how these guys were conceived, and more importantly, perceived from the onset… and with that in mind, Big G is a total prefabber.

“What’s Galactus’ deal?”

He eats planets.

Created and introduced by Jack Kirby and Stan Lee in 1966, Galactus was intended to be little more than a sales stunt.  Both Kirby and Lee were tired of the usual villains for the Fantastic Four, and sales showed that the audience might be feeling the same way.  So, in an effort to take things up a notch, they came up with Galactus — a planet devouring godlike being from space so far beyond typical “super-villains” that he defies even explanation or title.  He just IS.

“Why’s Galactus a prefab villain?”

If you’ve read the Galactus Trilogy (FF #s 48-50) , you know how strange it feels.  The first 10 of FF #48 is the finale to an Inhumans story started issues before. It’s only about half way through, after the FF have wrapped things up in Attilan, that The Watcher and Silver Surfer show up, and Galactus makes his debut at the very end.  Sure, the cover shows us the Watcher and warns of ”THE COMING OF GALACTUS“, but readers in ‘66 had no idea what any of that meant.  They were just picking up the FF, and suddenly, in what they probably thought was just another Inhumans story, they found themselves knee deep in a battle to save the planet from God and Frankie Avalon.  That’s built to thrill comics, kids… and if you don’t believe me, build a time machine and go hang around a spinner rack to see if I’m wrong.

In the days before Previews and the internet, Galactus was huge and completely unexpected.  Fans hadn’t even been introduced to the Celestials yet, and Giant Man was about as big as you got, so when Galactus shows up, all 30 stories tall, tuning fork headgear, and no pants, and says “Hey, sorry, turkeys… but I hunger!”, it must’ve blown their minds.

And just like the Fury, Elecktra, and Bane, Galactus appears without warning or a previous appearance, but fundamentally changes things from there forward.   From a purely fictional standpoint, you’re forced to imagine yourself as the man on the street in the Marvel U.  You enjoy football, have a fairly good job, attend church a couple times a year, help your kids with their homework, etc… then suddenly, without warning, Earth’s going to be fucking eaten.  That’s not destroyed in some galactic war against alien robots or whatever.  No, that’s EATEN.  How utterly hopeless it would be to find out that your whole life and everything you hold dear was Just breakfast in the greater universe.  Yeah, that’s what we call a game changer, folks… that’s Galactus.

Read more about Galactus:

Galactus on Wikipedia

Galactus: The Web Page

Essential Fantastic Four: Volume 3

Janet Reno

Okay, just kidding.  Real number two goes up tomorrow.